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Three Steps To Rapidly Building Rapport

As a species, human beings would have to be the most behaviorally diverse animals on the planet. What is acceptable on one side of the planet may be an offensive or illegal act on the other.  

Despite these differences we are all bound by a very similar set of emotions and desires. We are all driven by a common drive to be happy and to avoid things that make us feel negative in any way. 

We humans are also very social animals, and there are certain rules we all follow when it comes to deciding who we want to spend our time with, and most importantly, who we become romantically involved with. 

Think for a moment about a member of the opposite sex who you most enjoyed being around.. I’m willing to bet I can tell you what made them stand out in your mind. They made you feel good about who you were; They validated you in a genuine and deep way.  This is what many star crossed lovers like to call ‘chemistry’, but as we have all witnessed before, some people just seem to be amazing at creating ‘chemistry’ with everyone they meet. 

Today I want to tell you how these talented men and women do that, and how you can easily learn to attract a woman or a man by following 3 steps.

FIND A TOPIC THEY ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT

Our personalities are most clearly defined by the topics we FEEL most strongly about. Your strongest feelings are also your most personal ones.  It can be hard to get someone to open up and tell you their most powerful emotions, so one very good way to get someone else to share is to start by telling them about something you care about. 

Perhaps you love travelling, perhaps you love to surf, it doesn’t much matter.. What counts is that you are opening the dialogue to talk about things you really enjoy doing.  By doing this, it encourages the other person to share in return.

Some great topics to share passions include:

  • Favorite Travel Destinations
  • What you most like to do in your spare time 
  • A life experience that Inspired you

IDENTIFY WHAT THAT PASSION ACTUALLY MAKES THEM FEEL

I really loved my last holiday to Thailand. So now you know something I feel strongly about, but your job is only half done because you have no idea what feelings I am experiencing when I think about Thailand, so how could you possibly know which feelings to validate? 

Perhaps I loved Thailand because I got to lie in a hammock reading all day, with the occasional massage on the beach and a scuba dive mixed in to break up my week.  Or, perhaps I loved Thailand because of all the cheap alcohol and big beach parties.  If I loved Thailand because I got to relax, but you start speaking about partying, I’m not going to be left feeling like you understand me. 

You have to explore their passion until you understand what range of emotions they are really speaking about. 

DEMONSTRATE DEEP UNDERSTANDING OF THEIR PASSION BY SHARING

Now that you know I loved Thailand because I got to relax all day long in a hammock and read a bunch of books I’ve been wanting to read for the last six months, you can make me feel deeply understood by sharing a similar experience of your own where you too felt a similar emotion. 

You haven’t been to Thailand? You haven’t travelled at all? That’s okay, because your experience doesn’t have to be identical, just the emotional experience needs to be the same.  As humans we all have experienced moments where we felt Scared/happy/relaxed/excited/angry/embarrassed etc. All you have to do is find an experience where your emotional state matches mine.

You might for example relate to me how, as a child, you used to spend summers at your grandparents place and it was so quiet and peaceful, it was always so nice to escape the responsibilities of school and housework back home with mum and dad.  

The truth about men and women is that we feel drawn to members of the opposite sex who make us feel understood. We walk through life craving validation from those around us, and those who know how to make people feel understood go through life feeling loved by everyone around them.